Tip of the Week

The higher the expectations, the lower the peace.
Alcoholics Anonymous

Positivity in Relationships is Contagious

Heather was past the point of being upset with Bruce.  He never helped with children or housework, was constantly pressuring her for sex and ignored all of her requests for conversations about their relationship.

When people who are “past the point of being upset” enter counseling, then I know that someone is giving serious consideration about ending a marriage.  That was indeed the case with Heather.  She was there to talk over her options before leaving Bruce.

Heather agreed to try one more thing before leaving.  She agreed to focus only on the positive.  All of her nagging, negative comments, complaints and criticisms, she agreed to write down but never say.  She would look for and comment on any efforts that Bruce made in the right direction.

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Tip of the Week

Marriage, like a submarine, is only safe if you get all the way inside.
Frank Pittman

Tip of the Week, January 8, 2012

Take a vacation from worry. Determine a certain length of time …. A few hours, a day, a week and decide not to let worry hang around and interfere with your enjoyment of life.

If worry creeps in to your mind, try to put it away. If it won’t go willingly, write the worry on a piece of paper and tuck it somewhere that you can later find. Then get busy and do something else.

Tip of the Week, January 1, 2012

This is the time for resolutions.

As you think about ways to improve your relationships, consider some of these possibilities.

Couples:
Resolve to spend 20 minutes a day … every day … with each other just talking about your life and your day.
Parents:
Resolve to visit your children’s rooms, go into their space, for 10 minutes every day and ask about their music, their friends, subjects of interest to them as people, not to you as a parent.

Those going through divorce or death of a spouse:
Resolve to build your friendship network with people of the same sex rather than rushing to find a new partner.

Everyone:
Practice random acts of kindness.

Tip of the Week

Holiday Presents

Holiday shopping is in full force.  Many face the dilemma of what to buy.  Often people think about what they want the other person to have, and not what they think that the other person would want.  I have heard of many gift disasters … from pets to camping equipment to living room furniture.  The giver bought what they wanted to have themselves rather than really thinking about the needs or desires of the recipient.

The recipient of the gift often feels hurt and disappointed because they believe that their wishes were not heard or were discounted and that the giver thought more about themselves than the recipient.  The best gifts come from really listening to your loved one, thinking about them and their interests.

It is perfectly okay to ask someone for suggestions.  Gifts do not need to be surprises.  It is also okay to ask for suggestions from another who might know what they would like to have.  The thoughtfulness is the most important aspect of the gift … and sending the message that the recipient is very important … and that you have heard them, thought long and hard about them … and picked the present because of what you think would really please them.

Counseling Relationships Online.com

Couples Counseling of Louisville.com

Lonely, Single and Facing the Holidays Alone?

Help For Getting Through The Holidays Alone

Are you facing the holidays alone?

Here are some suggestions for helping you to ease this time.

Be kind to yourself. Buy yourself a Christmas present and special holiday food. Think of ways to celebrate the goodness of you. Go easy and have realistic expectations. Don’t expect “glorious” holidays, rather look for ones of peace. Acknowledge your feelings of sadness and loneliness. Recognize that it is natural to want to share this time of year with someone special. Journal about it or talk it over with a friend and then find a way to let it go. Focus on something or someone else. Do not let yourself travel too far down the path of unhappiness, rather head it off at the pass. Rarely is there anything good that comes from thinking too much or letting these thoughts overwhelm you. Click here to read the rest of the article.

Tip of the Week

At this holiday time, remember, lower expectations lead to a higher sense of peace.

Tip of the Week

For one of your holiday gifts, talk with your partner about your proudest moments.  Share with each other what things about yourself and your relationship that make you the most proud.

Tip of the Week

During the holidays we often experience a high level of stress. Sometimes it brings excitement and fun and sometimes sadness and disappointment.

Find time to slow down and pay attention to the good things in your life right now.   Try to think about which things are important to be doing, spending time, money and energy on … and which ones are you doing to impress or please another.

This time in your life, and in the lives of your relationships, will never come again.