Tip of the Week

During the holidays we often experience a high level of stress. Sometimes it brings excitement and fun and sometimes sadness and disappointment.

Find time to slow down and pay attention to the good things in your life right now.   Try to think about which things are important to be doing, spending time, money and energy on … and which ones are you doing to impress or please another.

This time in your life, and in the lives of your relationships, will never come again.

Marriage and Depression

Does depression cause problems in a marriage or do problems in a marriage cause depression?  Answer:  Yes and Yes.

When half of a couple is depressed, the relationship suffers.  Sometimes the relationship suffers and then one of the partners becomes depressed.

Stress in a Marriage When One of the Partners is Depressed

Depression in one person affects those around and involved with him or her.  It touches the quality of each member‘s life, as well as their thoughts about the depressed person and their overall happiness with the relationship.

Those who are depressed are generally apathetic, sad, tired, and negative.  They have little energy for the tasks and pleasures of couple and family life.  Much of what they talk about is negative and even those experiences that might be seen as neutral or positive may become negative when seen through the lens of depression.

Normal responsibilities and relationship tasks are not handled.  Partners and older children often find themselves picking up the slack as they notice what is not happening.  Spouses do a lot of things on their own without the depressed partner.  All of these changes in the family dynamic can lead to feelings of resentment and anger.

Click here to read the rest of the article:  Marriage and Depression.

Tip for Thanksgiving Week

This week of Thanksgiving, take the time to sincerely and truly thank those in your life.  Be specific about what you are giving thanks for … and , if possible, give them an example of how that characteristic operates in your lives together.

Some examples are:
“I am so thankful that you are my friend.  You are always there for me.  Last month, when I was feeling overwhelmed, you appeared with a pot of soup and said that you did it … just because.”
“I am so thankful that you are my spouse.  Your sense of humor and playfulness really brings joy to my life.  I especially like the silly notes that you leave on my bathroom mirror.  You just bring a smile to my lips .. even early in the morning!”
“I am so thankful that you are my child.  Your hugs and kisses make me feel loved … and I will never get tired of them.”

Money and Marriage: How Can I Get my Spouse to Agree with Me?

The holidays often provide more concerns than usual about money and budgets.  Couples experience tension and stress, especially when funds are limited as they are for many families.  There are also a lot of emotional issues around money, presents, giving and the holidays.

In our practice, couples often come in with finances as their biggest problem.  When marriage and money is the issue, we also hear comments about trust, control, stinginess, irresponsibility, lying and dishonesty.

Everyone comes to a relationship with ideas, philosophies and feelings about money. Often, when they are similar, there is not a problem. (Unless, of course, they both want to spend a lot.)

Marriage and Money:  Tips To Help You Work It Out

Here are a few tips for couples to help them move from being opponents about the family budget to players on the same team.

Talk with each other about the meaning of money and marriage for you and your life.

• What did money represent when you were growing up? How did your parents handle money?
• How does that affect the way you think about money?
• How do you envision your marriage and money?

Get a better understanding about your spouse and his or her thoughts about money so that when you hit any normal roadblocks about the family finances, you will be able to travel over them more easily.

Click here to read the rest of the article:  Marriage and Money: My Spouse and I Cannot Agree

Tip of the Week

Sexiness wears thin after a while, and beauty fades. But to be married to a man who makes you laugh every day, ah,  now that’s a real treat.
 Joanne Woodward