Strategy Number 6: Beat the Holiday Blues by Honoring Rituals

Honor important old rituals and develop new ones. Rituals help promote a sense of well-being.  Old ones can provide a sense of continuity through times of transition while developing new ones aids in accommodating to new situations.

Evaluate which rituals you want to keep and consider developing any new ones that might mark the positive things about you or your life right now.

Strategy Number 4: Beat the Holiday Blues by Joining Others

Find a way to be around other people.  Look for groups through your community, neighborhood, church, synagogue or volunteer organization.

You don’t have to be with crowds and, unless you have family, probably not around others with family.

Look for opportunities to connect with others who might be in a situation similar to your own rather than with people who are bonded with others.

Look for others who emphasize the goodness about you rather than what is missing.

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Strategy Number 3: Beat the Holiday Blues by Doing for Others

Do something for others.  Putting your life’s situation in perspective can be helped by recognizing what others are experiencing.  While their situation may not even be as difficult as your own, focusing on someone else and taking the focus off of yourself can be an important mental health antidote for the holiday blues.  Besides, it feels good to help someone else and lift their own burden.

Bake cookies for neighbors.    Adopt a family from an angel tree.  Make some crafts and visit a nursing home.  Invite a niece or nephew to a holiday program.  Consider inviting those without family connections to your home for a holiday meal.

Connect Through Rituals Over The Holidays

Holidays provide times for connection with multiple generations.

Grandparents have the opportunity to share some of the family history with their grandchildren.

This is a wonderful time to get out family holiday photos, play games that parents and grandparents played as children, for grandparents to share stories of their Christmases “long ago” and to make traditional holiday treats.

Some families have food that they only prepare at holiday times …  egg nog, a special cookie or coffee cake, or an ethnic dish from the oldest generation’s heritage.

Use this time to enrich family connection, even if you do not see as much of each other through the year as you would like.

Consider finding ways to include family members that live away and will not be home for the holidays.  Send old photos in ornaments, wrap up an old childhood memento, journal in a grandparent’s book.  Creatively think about ways to stay connected with each other.

The Richardsons pass the same holiday cards back and forth to each other every year, adding a short note about their lives.  It has become a record of family events for 23 years now.

Elaine and her sister have one silver holiday ball that they pass back and forth every year.  This ball is the kind in which you put some small gift.  Each tries to find something different and unique … and it is a nice tradition to show that they care about each other.

George and Jill send their grandchildren photos taken over the year of them all together.  Their mother helps them to keep them in a book so that they have a record of history with their grandparents.

Have you found ideas to stay connected with your family that you can share with us here?

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Another Low-Cost, High Affection Holiday Gift Idea

Collect and burn a cd, especially made for your friend or family member.  Add one song that you chose because it reminds you of him or her … along with a note that explains why.

Holidays in Tough Economic Times: One Family’s Story

Andy and Cheryl prepared everyone in their family this year by telling them that they love them very much, would still be sharing presents, but they would all notice a difference.  Then they set about thinking of creative ways to celebrate simply.  Many of the gifts that they are giving have to do with time and their talent.  Hours of babysitting and coupons for casseroles are on the gift list.  Cheryl put together gift baskets with baked goods and baking supplies.  She was quite creative with jars of soup and cookie mix.  Andy offered coupons for yard work and snow shoveling and promised to take the initiative to schedule the work, not wait for the “ask”.

Finding ways to help their children understand the simpler Christmas, they began talking about it weeks in advance.  They helped each child find a way to make gifts or coupons for their siblings and gave them each a chance to earn a little money so that they could purchase something very small as well.  Getting the children in the mindset of living simpler, they also helped them gather older toys that were still in good condition, cleaned them up and found a way to donate them to others in need.  As they worked on this project, Cheryl and Andy talked about the changes happening in our world and in their lives.  They also spent a lot of time talking about what have been the gifts in their family and in each one of them.

As we near Christmas, the children are preparing for things to be simpler.  There will still be a few special presents under the tree.  Cheryl has done quite a bit of research on-line and is quite adept at finding the many different coupon and price comparison websites.  She has even found a few things at consignment shops and both parents feel pretty sure that their children will be pleased with what the find under the tree Christmas morning.

Andy and Cheryl feel a little more light-hearted and really good about the life lessons that the children are learning.  Christmas will be very special for this family after all.

Family Distance Over the Holidays

We have been hearing from lots of clients … and friends … about struggles that they are having as they have become emotionally distant from family.  The distance has arisen from conflict or misunderstandings and involves parents separated from their children and grandchildren, siblings who will not attend holiday gatherings if other family members are there and recently separated spouses who are terribly sad that they will not be with in-laws and extended family this year.

This is so disappointing and sad for many involved … especially those who have access to feelings other than anger and self-righteousness.  One of the most important things to do is to acknowledge that this would be hard for you … for anyone in your situation.  Allow yourself some time to grieve and feel sad, and then also to put aside, as best you can, those normal feelings and engage yourself with others who care for you.  Try not to pursue the ones that you are missing, while also looking for ways to keep the door open to mend the rupture.   Find ways to be useful, caring and loving to others at this holiday time as a way of taking some of the focus off of your own sadness.

Are there ideas that you can share with us … and others, about how to care for yourself during this difficult time?

Lonely, Single and Facing the Holidays Alone

Are you facing the holidays alone?  Many say that they are okay with their “singleness” most of the year but the holidays are really tough.  You want someone to go with you to parties, shopping, to share presents, religious and family celebrations.  Doing these things alone, especially in the company of others who seem happily mated can be really difficult and remind you even more that you are not “coupled”.

It is extremely hard if this is a “first” for you.  The first one after the end of a relationship, especially after a death or a divorce, is so very hard.  Thoughts and feelings from memories of past holidays together feel overwhelming at times and it may seem hard to get through each day, sometimes each hour.  It gets easier as time passes although some say it never really gets easy.

Here are some suggestions for helping you to ease this time.

Be kind to yourself. Buy yourself a Christmas present and special holiday food.  Think of ways to celebrate the goodness of you.

Go easy and have realistic expectations.  Don’t expect “glorious” holidays, rather look for ones of peace.

Acknowledge your feelings of sadness and loneliness. Recognize that it is natural to want to share this time of year with someone special.  Journal about it or talk it over with a friend and then find a way to let it go.  Focus on something or someone else.  Do not let yourself travel too far down the path of unhappiness, rather head it off at the pass.  Rarely is there anything good that comes from thinking too much or letting these thoughts overwhelm you.

Do something for another person. This can be anything from volunteering to help out in a shelter to baking cookies for neighbors.  Reaching out to others, often ones in a more difficult situation than your own, can help put your own loneliness in perspective.

Write a list of the good things about you and happening in your life right now. What do you do well?  Who are your friends?  What are your strengths?  What would others say that they most like about you?  Make copies of this list and keep it near by so that you can reach for it whenever you need to bring yourself back to a happier place.

Make plans. If you do not have a lot of people to keep you busy … or money to cover costs, find ways to attend events at the library, show up at a church, walk in the neighborhood where you might see other people.  Get out of your home and be active.  We have a friend who has organized an “Orphans’ Christmas”.  She invites others that she knows are alone for the holidays.  They all bring a small gift to open and exchange and share a meal.  This tradition is now 12 years old and she has requests from others who hear about it and want to join the group.

Remind yourself that this time does not last forever. January 1 will come and life will return to a more normal place.  You have gotten through tougher times in your life.  You can and will get through this as well.