Running Away from Conflict
- Do you immediately want to run away when your partner disagrees with you or makes a complaint?
- Do you feel like nothing ever gets resolved between you and your spouse?
If so, you are not alone. Many people have problems with conflict and will avoid disagreements at all costs.
Sandy felt like she could never get Jim to sit down and talk through a problem with her. Whenever she disagreed with him, he would run away from conversations. Heaven forbid that she would ever want to talk about their relationship!
Ellen grew up in a home where there was a lot of fighting. Any time that Bill raised his voice, or she thought he raised his voice, she would cry and become very upset. Bill was really frustrated because he thought that they were never able to get through any discussions and reach decisions.
While fighting is usually not good, NEVER talking things through and resolving differences is also unhealthy for relationships. When couples don’t resolve issues, when one or both of them have the conflict avoidant style, they are more likely to grow distant from each other as they each feel frustrated, hurt and disappointed.
Men are more likely then women to run away from conflict; however, many women also become flooded with conflict and are prone to struggle with how to remain in difficult conversations in calm and productive ways.
Some people directly refuse to discuss an issue and will use comments like “You are being unreasonable and I refuse to talk with you about this” or “We never get anywhere when we argue and I am not going to talk anymore.”
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