Relationship Dilemma Remedies

A Blog About Solving Common Relationship Dilemmas

5 Questions for Couples to Deepen Intimacy and Connection

There are ways to deepen your connection in a relationship. Here are 5 to get you started.

  1. What is one secret wish that you have but have kept a secret from everyone but yourself?
  2. If your best friend were here and I asked her, what 3 qualities do you like most about you, what would he say?
  3. What frightens you?
  4. What really gets you excited?
  5. If you could have dinner with anyone at all, living or dead, who would you choose … and why?
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August 23, 2017 Posted by | conversation starters, couples, keeping love alive, Relationship Dilemmas | Leave a comment

3 Quick Tips for Dealing with the Stress of the Current Political Situation

We hear it from our clients and feel it in our own lives. The stress of the current divisiveness and violence in today’s political climate is seeping in to the well-being of many relationships and the health of many others.

Here are 3 things that you can do to help yourself now …

Get involved. Pick an issue that is important and find one way to get involved. Take a stand. Be clear, not attacking or defensive. Rather than feeling victimized by the large picture. Determine one issue, situation or person where you might have an impact and invest in it.

Take a break from the news. Don’t become “uninformed”, just find ways to keep it contained to certain times of your consciousness. Enjoy your family and friends. Get outside. Watch movies or comedies. You and your life are bigger than this situation.

Meditate. Look for peace and calm in your mind and in your heart. Don’t let this affect your health or your relationships.

We have survived other horrible times. We will survive this as well.

August 16, 2017 Posted by | anxiety, conflict, Relationship Dilemmas, stress from political climate | Leave a comment

Couples Therapy: Can It Help?

  • Problems in your marriage?
  • Unhappy with where things are right now between you and your partner?
  • Wonder if couples therapy might make a difference?

What do you have to lose?  Facing up to the situation and owning your part in it can be a step in the right direction.

remember_when_image042Most couples wait a long time after a problem develops before they ever ask for help.  Research shows that problems may go on for 6 years before a couple either asks for help or ends the marriage.

The longer that a problem goes on, the more likely it is that positive feelings and behaviors will erode and disappear.  Couples therapy may be able to help you resolve the problems that you are experiencing.

A skilled and knowledgeable couples therapist can provide a safe haven to talk about the hardest of issues and can teach you the skills to be able to carry on those conversations at home.

Good marriage counselors do not want their couples to hang around forever.  They want them to be able to be successful on their own.

Here are some good reasons to see a couples therapist.

Click here to read the article “Couples Therapy: Can It Help?”

May 13, 2013 Posted by | arguments, conflict, couples, Emotionally intelligent in relationships, falling back in love, keeping love alive | 1 Comment

Affair Recovery: How Long Do We Have To Talk About This Affair!?!

Throughout our many years of counseling couples who are in the beginning stages of recovering from an affair, we have heard the question “How long do we have to talk about this?” many times.

Affairs are so hard on couples to work through, but not impossible.  One research study reported that 70% of couples who experience an affair are able to work through the effects successfully.

There is a common theme among those who were unfaithful … “let’s move on” and for their partners it is “we have a lot to talk about.”  So … the question for the therapist is often “how long DO we have to talk about the affair”?

The answer, of course, is different for each situation and couple but generally there are some guidelines:

For effective affair recovery:  Talk about it whenever the hurt partner needs to … for the first few days.  

After that, find ways to limit the conversation to much smaller amounts of time in order to allow the relationship to heal and recover.

Click here to read the rest of the article about conversations leading to affair recovery.

Counseling Relationships Online

Healing from Affairs.com

February 7, 2013 Posted by | affairs, cheating spouse, infidelity, recovering from affairs | Leave a comment

Is It Nagging … or Is It Motivational Speaking?

Or are you just caught up in a terrible downward spiral going nowhere fast?

That awful cycle of complaining and withdrawing and both feeling controlled shows up in many marriages that we see at Couples Counseling of Louisville and couples that we talk with through Counseling Relationships Online.

Nagging, or making the same request over and over again, usually does not get the desired result.  Instead, it generally leads to a downward spiral with negative thoughts and feelings about each other and withdrawing, feeling discounted, misunderstood, controlled or unimportant.

Many people don’t realize that nagging can lead to more divorces than affairs because nagging leads to negativity throughout the relationship.
Here is the story of one couple who really started out in a good place.  Problems crept in over time as they each set different priorities for their weekends and had different ideas about common marital differences like neatness vs. messiness.

Click here to read the rest of the article, “Nagging … or Motivational Speaking?”

Counseling Relationships Online

Couples Counseling of Louisville

January 16, 2013 Posted by | arguments, communication, conflict, couples, Nagging | Leave a comment

Jobs, Children and Marriage: 10 Ways to Keep Love Alive

During the early years of marriage, couples focus on building a nest, settling into careers and having children.

It is too easy, after the knot is tied, to focus less on the relationship and more on the job or the children which is why the divorce rate is so high for this time in a couple‘s life.  It is not that spouses love each other less, it is more because they find themselves drawn in other directions and away from each other.

Things can erode before anyone recognizes what happens.  Neither spouse is usually the “bad one”.  The distancing usually just happens as life evolves.

As couples grow apart by failing to nurture the marriage, they open themselves up for one or both to become unhappy and lonely.  Problems don’t get resolved, fun dissipates and opportunities for affairs or enjoying the single life with friends and colleagues can become more interesting than what is happening at home.

Put away techology and focus on each other to protect your relationship.

We have 10 ways to keep the love alive and make your marriage a priority.

1.  Have a technology free-zone.
Cell phones, face book, video games … all are distractions for intimacy and have their own inherent problems.  Designate a period of time each day to put the technology away and enjoy each other and the relationship.

Click here to read the rest of the article.

Counseling Relationships Online

Couples Counseling of Louisville

November 19, 2012 Posted by | children, couples, falling back in love, keeping love alive, showing love | Leave a comment

Can An Affair Be A Gift For A Marriage?

Not all affairs happen in bad marriages and affairs usually cause a good marriage to go bad.

Affairs happen for a myriad of reasons.  Technology today makes it way too easy to fall into something before you even realize it has happened.  (One recent research study noted that facebook was mentioned in about 1/3 of divorce cases.)

More and more people are getting reconnected to sweethearts from their past and renewing old acquaintances, reliving old memories and sharing stories which can lead to feelings that seem to be, or actually are, feelings of love.

Partners can take each other for granted and forget to nurture the relationship.  It is also very easy, with busy lives, to avoid working through conflicts and disagreements which lead to stored-up anger, hurt and resentment.

Whether a bad marriage opened a door for an affair or facebook or a reunion or just “being in the same place at the same time” led someone in a good marriage to have an affair, marriages and the people who are in them, are in need of a great deal of healing.

Affairs Can Open Doors For Healing

An affair is not a gift that anyone would ask for … but such a strong and painful wake-up call that often causes couples to recognize the state of their marriage and determine and define what they want and need to have a healthy, viable and faithful relationship.

Click here to read the rest of the article on the wesite, Healing-from-Affairs.com.

August 30, 2012 Posted by | affairs, cheating spouse, infidelity | Leave a comment

Discover Seven Ways to Reconnect With Your Partner

I often meet with couples who complain about growing apart as the challenges of daily living lure them into routines that leave little time for focusing on the relationship.  This, coupled with the new and added stress of technology, invites people to be more involved with things other than their marriage.

Connecting with your partner is crucial to the stability of any marriage.  It doesn’t take a lot of time to fan the flames of the relationship.  In fact, research studies by John Gottman, PhD found that a simple 5 hours a week can make a difference in the quality of a couple’s relationship.

Here are 7 suggestions for ways to reconnect with your partner.

1.  Find some way to connect with each other, even if it is only briefly, before you begin your day.  Share a kiss and a bit about the plan for your day.  If possible, have breakfast together, even if the children are rushing around with you.  Spoon a few minutes before getting out of bed in the morning and make sure that you are not always the small spoon.

Click here to read the rest of the article “Discover 7 Ways to Reconnect With Your Partner”.

June 27, 2012 Posted by | advice, couples, falling back in love, happy marriages, keeping love alive, Love, marriage | Leave a comment

Bad Marriages and Affairs

“If he had just paid attention to me, I would not have had to find it somewhere else.  He spends more time on the golf course than he does at home.”

“My wife’s nagging is the main reason I became unhappy and started my affair.”

Do affairs cause bad marriages … or do bad marriages cause affairs?

All affairs can cause bad marriages but not all bad marriages cause affairs.  In fact, an affair may even happen in a good marriage.  Having an affair, cheating on your spouse, is no way to solve problems in a marriage.

While it certainly can be true that problems in a marriage can lead to loneliness, unhappiness and sadness, making a decision to have an affair is the responsibility of the person who makes the choice to cheat.

There are many reasons why people have affairs.

There are many reasons why people have affairs.  Some reasons do have to do with the relationship while others are more about the person who is having the affair.

When couples have difficulty resolving conflict or problems between them, have a  fear of intimacy or do not nurture and tend to the relationship, then feelings of loneliness and isolation grow and the ground becomes fertile for friendships to bleed over into more than a friendship with someone that you see frequently like a colleague, neighbor or friend.

Click here to read the rest of the article.

Counseling Relationships Online

Couples Counseling of Louisville

April 16, 2012 Posted by | affairs, couples, infidelity, marriage | Leave a comment

Money and Marriage: How Can I Get my Spouse to Agree with Me?

The holidays often provide more concerns than usual about money and budgets.  Couples experience tension and stress, especially when funds are limited as they are for many families.  There are also a lot of emotional issues around money, presents, giving and the holidays.

In our practice, couples often come in with finances as their biggest problem.  When marriage and money is the issue, we also hear comments about trust, control, stinginess, irresponsibility, lying and dishonesty.

Everyone comes to a relationship with ideas, philosophies and feelings about money. Often, when they are similar, there is not a problem. (Unless, of course, they both want to spend a lot.)

Marriage and Money:  Tips To Help You Work It Out

Here are a few tips for couples to help them move from being opponents about the family budget to players on the same team.

Talk with each other about the meaning of money and marriage for you and your life.

  • What did money represent when you were growing up? How did your parents handle money?
  • How does that affect the way you think about money?
  • How do you envision your marriage and money?

Get a better understanding about your spouse and his or her thoughts about money so that when you hit any normal roadblocks about the family finances, you will be able to travel over them more easily.

Click here to read the rest of the article:  Marriage and Money: My Spouse and I Cannot Agree

November 18, 2011 Posted by | conflict, couples, marriage, money, tough economic times | Leave a comment