Relationship Dilemma Remedies

A Blog About Solving Common Relationship Dilemmas

Couples Therapy: Can It Help?

  • Problems in your marriage?
  • Unhappy with where things are right now between you and your partner?
  • Wonder if couples therapy might make a difference?

What do you have to lose?  Facing up to the situation and owning your part in it can be a step in the right direction.

remember_when_image042Most couples wait a long time after a problem develops before they ever ask for help.  Research shows that problems may go on for 6 years before a couple either asks for help or ends the marriage.

The longer that a problem goes on, the more likely it is that positive feelings and behaviors will erode and disappear.  Couples therapy may be able to help you resolve the problems that you are experiencing.

A skilled and knowledgeable couples therapist can provide a safe haven to talk about the hardest of issues and can teach you the skills to be able to carry on those conversations at home.

Good marriage counselors do not want their couples to hang around forever.  They want them to be able to be successful on their own.

Here are some good reasons to see a couples therapist.

Click here to read the article “Couples Therapy: Can It Help?”

Advertisements

May 13, 2013 Posted by | arguments, conflict, couples, Emotionally intelligent in relationships, falling back in love, keeping love alive | 1 Comment

Jobs, Children and Marriage: 10 Ways to Keep Love Alive

During the early years of marriage, couples focus on building a nest, settling into careers and having children.

It is too easy, after the knot is tied, to focus less on the relationship and more on the job or the children which is why the divorce rate is so high for this time in a couple‘s life.  It is not that spouses love each other less, it is more because they find themselves drawn in other directions and away from each other.

Things can erode before anyone recognizes what happens.  Neither spouse is usually the “bad one”.  The distancing usually just happens as life evolves.

As couples grow apart by failing to nurture the marriage, they open themselves up for one or both to become unhappy and lonely.  Problems don’t get resolved, fun dissipates and opportunities for affairs or enjoying the single life with friends and colleagues can become more interesting than what is happening at home.

Put away techology and focus on each other to protect your relationship.

We have 10 ways to keep the love alive and make your marriage a priority.

1.  Have a technology free-zone.
Cell phones, face book, video games … all are distractions for intimacy and have their own inherent problems.  Designate a period of time each day to put the technology away and enjoy each other and the relationship.

Click here to read the rest of the article.

Counseling Relationships Online

Couples Counseling of Louisville

November 19, 2012 Posted by | children, couples, falling back in love, keeping love alive, showing love | Leave a comment

Discover Seven Ways to Reconnect With Your Partner

I often meet with couples who complain about growing apart as the challenges of daily living lure them into routines that leave little time for focusing on the relationship.  This, coupled with the new and added stress of technology, invites people to be more involved with things other than their marriage.

Connecting with your partner is crucial to the stability of any marriage.  It doesn’t take a lot of time to fan the flames of the relationship.  In fact, research studies by John Gottman, PhD found that a simple 5 hours a week can make a difference in the quality of a couple’s relationship.

Here are 7 suggestions for ways to reconnect with your partner.

1.  Find some way to connect with each other, even if it is only briefly, before you begin your day.  Share a kiss and a bit about the plan for your day.  If possible, have breakfast together, even if the children are rushing around with you.  Spoon a few minutes before getting out of bed in the morning and make sure that you are not always the small spoon.

Click here to read the rest of the article “Discover 7 Ways to Reconnect With Your Partner”.

June 27, 2012 Posted by | advice, couples, falling back in love, happy marriages, keeping love alive, Love, marriage | Leave a comment

5 Tips For Falling Back in Love

“We seem to be just roommates … and have lost the good feelings that we once had.”

“I love him but I am not in love with him.”

 

“We seem to have lost that spark and I do not have those same feelings for her any more.”

 

Those are words … and feelings … that go through the minds and hearts of almost all of those who are involved in long-term relationships.  It is rare for both partners in a couple to have those same warm and connected feelings all of the time.   And, yes, it is possible to fall back in love with your spouse.

Sometimes, hearing those words from a spouse can mean an affair …either emotionally or sexually.  An attraction to someone else brings excitement and a marital partner generally cannot measure up to the thrill of newness and the thrill of risk and secrecy.  If infidelity is the issue, the challenges are much more complex and require stepping away from the affair before feelings of being in love can even begin to return.

Often feeling and thoughts of losing love; however, are more about taking each other for granted, devoting more time to career, children, social lives or other activities that prevent prioritizing the marriage and nurturing the couple relationship.  When partners do not nurture their relationship, they tend to become distant and feel more lonely and isolated.

Click here to read the 5 tips for falling back in love.

Counseling Relationships Online

Healing from Affairs

Couples Counseling of Louisville

October 21, 2010 Posted by | advice, falling back in love, Love, marriage | 1 Comment

4. Think About Your Partner During The Day

4.  Think about your spouse as you go about your daily life.  Make it a habit to just think about your spouse and what he or she might like as you go about your day.  If there are small things that you think of, find a way to make it happen.

We often give or do for others what we want for ourselves.  It is better for the relationship when we think about what the other person might want and give them that.

Let your spouse know that you are thinking about him or her today in some small way.

Counseling Relationships Online


Couples Counseling of Louisville

January 29, 2010 Posted by | Be A Better Spouse, marriage, showing love | Leave a comment

Eight Ways To Be A Better Half

We want to offer you eight suggestions to be a better spouse.  Marriages improve and stay healthier when even one person makes efforts.  You can try all of these ideas at once or just one at a time.  (It does take 6 weeks for something to become a habit, you know.)

We will share a different idea every day, along with a suggestion or two for how you might use them in your relationship.

Here is the tip for today.

1.   Appreciate the good things about your spouse and let him or her know about it frequently.

The more that you talk about what you like, the more you get what you like.  People are more likely to do more of what they are told is good than to change what they are told is wrong.

Besides, when you focus on what you like in your spouse, you are more likely to have positive feelings about them.

Try today to find 3 things to tell your partner, either with words or with your actions, that you like.

Counseling Relationships Online

Couples Counseling of Louisville

January 25, 2010 Posted by | keeping love alive, marriage, Relationship Dilemmas, showing love | Leave a comment

Tips For A Happy Marriage

Happy marriages are made, they do not just happen.   Truly happy marriages require effort, energy and work.

Some people find easy mates and have the ability to naturally be a part of a happy marriage.  Most of us have to make a conscious decision to be an active partner in a happy marriage.

We have been working with couples for many years.  Here are some of the tips that we have learned from them as well as from our own reading and learning.

Seven tips for a happy marriage.

1.  Recognize that disagreements are normal and healthy.  Appreciate the fact that you are different people with different ideas, interests and needs.  Celebrate the differences.

2.  Become acquainted with your emotions and emotionality.  Recognize when you become upset, angry, hurt or disappointed and find ways to talk about those emotions with a calm and respectful tone.  If you are too upset to talk, take a break until you calm down and can think and talk clearly.

3.  Celebrate your emotions and emotionality, especially when they are positive.  Share your happiness, pleasure and appreciation with each other.  Research on healthy couples report a 5:1 ratio of positives to negatives.  (John Gottman, PhD).  When there are 5 positives for every one negative, then it is much easier to get through the difficult times.

4.  Share affection with each other many times a day, with your words, with your arms, with your lips and with your body.  Signs of affection are very important in a happy marriage.

5.  Talk with each other about what is happening in your life, in your job, in your family, with friends.  Share fears, hopes and dreams.  Let your partner be your best friend.

6.  Respect you partner. If you find that there is nothing to respect, talk with someone professional and objective; otherwise, talk and act in respectful ways.  Act as you want to be treated.

7.  Never take your spouse for granted or put your marriage on autopilot.

Counseling Relationships Online.com

Couples Counseling of Louisville. com

October 12, 2009 Posted by | happy marriages, Love | Leave a comment

Tip of the Week, May 31, 2009

couples pictureRemember when … Look at a picture, watch a video, remember a happier time together.  Revisit all of the good memories and talk about what happened then … what each of you did to help make that a special time.  Dissect what you did and what you most appreciated about your partner and what he or she did that made that a special time.  As you notice softer, kinder and better feelings slowly come. Talk about how to keep them alive in the present.

May 31, 2009 Posted by | couples, keeping love alive, Love, showing love | Leave a comment

8 Ways To Hurt A Woman’s Feelings, Or, What NOT To Do If You Want A Woman To Like You

1.  Ignore her when she is trying to talk with you.  Continue with television, reading the paper, the computer or playing your game.

2.  Give her “constructive criticism” about her appearance.  Even if you have a degree in fashion design or are a personal trainer, your ideas may not be welcomed.

3.  Lie to her.  This can include direct lies and omissions, the idea that “what she doesn’t know won’t hurt her”.

4.  Tell her that you think she might be emotional or “irrational” and suggest that she may be “hormonal”.

5.  “Forget” important dates like her birthday, anniversary or even special memories of your time together.  The way that you choose to mark it is less important than the fact that you remember and acknowledge in loving ways.

6.  Interrupt her when she is talking, point out that she is talking too much or “correct” her.

7.  Flirt with other women, especially right in front of her.

8.  Spend more time with your friends than with her.  Let her know, even if you do not say it directly, that your sports/buddies/work/time alone are more important ways to spend your time than with her.  Check your calendar to make sure that you do not have “more important” things going on.
CounselingRelationshipsOnline.com
CouplesCounselingofLouisville.com

May 19, 2009 Posted by | couples, Dating, dating advice, Love, Relationship Dilemmas, relationship struggles | Leave a comment

Seven Ways to Help Your Man Feel Good

spiderman
1.  Notice what he is doing that you like and find a way to let him know 2 things that you really like and appreciate about him every day.

2.  Listen attentively to what he has to say and ask follow-up questions in a way that lets him know that you are interested in whatever it is that he wants or needs to talk about.

3. Brag about him to others, in his presence.

4. Be affectionate with him.   This includes non-sexual touch as well as initiating sex.  Hold his hand, give him a kiss, share a warm hug.

5. Ask for his opinion on things and respect what he says, even if you do not agree with it or decide not to use it.  Men want to feel needed, not in an artificial way, but in a real way so look for things where you really could use his help and ask for it.

6. Make sure to begin the day and end the day with a special sign of affection for him.  Take leadership in making it happen.

7. Do special things for him: fix his favorite meal and let him know that you are doing it because you care about him, buy his favorite drinks or snacks, rent a movie that you know he will like, buy him a little gift that shows that you have thought about him and what he likes.


CounselingRelationshipsOnline.com

CouplesCounselingofLouisville.com

May 5, 2009 Posted by | Dating, dating advice, keeping love alive, showing love | Leave a comment