Relationship Dilemma Remedies

A Blog About Solving Common Relationship Dilemmas

5 Ways to Renew Your Marriage

As the new year unfolds, consider these habits to use to revive and/or solidify your connection. It is so easy to take each other and your lives for granted, sometimes just holding down your head to get through it. That is never good for a relationship. While you don’t need to spend enormous amounts of energy on the relationship, here are some ideas to make the time that you are together count.

1. Develop rituals to use to come together at the end of the day.
Rituals used regularly connect people with each other. Finding ways to de-stress and de-brief helps fill in love map’s and supports the friendship and can aid in romance.

2. Focus on and acknowledge the positives.
The more that you talk about what you like, the more likely it is that your partner will repeat what is liked. The more you notice and acknowledge what is good about your partner, the more likely it is that you will even …maybe … come to like them even a little better.

3. Have weekly conversations about the state of the relationship.
No relationship is perfect. There are times that you need to talk about problems or complain. Choosing a time to have a “state of the marriage” conversation can be beneficial. A good way to set it up is to first talk about what you like and want more of and then to talk about what complaints or changes you need.

4. Plan weekly dates.
Get away from the every day, mundane activities, children and chores. Be sure to go somewhere different whenever you can. New experiences are good for bonding.

5. Know what is going on in your partner’s life.
Be curious and interested. Ask about their day. Listen to their stories and stresses.

January 16, 2018 Posted by | couples, falling back in love, happy marriages, keeping love alive, Love, Relationship Dilemmas, showing love | Leave a comment

Jobs, Children and Marriage: 10 Ways to Keep Love Alive

During the early years of marriage, couples focus on building a nest, settling into careers and having children.

It is too easy, after the knot is tied, to focus less on the relationship and more on the job or the children which is why the divorce rate is so high for this time in a couple‘s life.  It is not that spouses love each other less, it is more because they find themselves drawn in other directions and away from each other.

Things can erode before anyone recognizes what happens.  Neither spouse is usually the “bad one”.  The distancing usually just happens as life evolves.

As couples grow apart by failing to nurture the marriage, they open themselves up for one or both to become unhappy and lonely.  Problems don’t get resolved, fun dissipates and opportunities for affairs or enjoying the single life with friends and colleagues can become more interesting than what is happening at home.

Put away techology and focus on each other to protect your relationship.

We have 10 ways to keep the love alive and make your marriage a priority.

1.  Have a technology free-zone.
Cell phones, face book, video games … all are distractions for intimacy and have their own inherent problems.  Designate a period of time each day to put the technology away and enjoy each other and the relationship.

Click here to read the rest of the article.

Counseling Relationships Online

Couples Counseling of Louisville

November 19, 2012 Posted by | children, couples, falling back in love, keeping love alive, showing love | Leave a comment

4. Think About Your Partner During The Day

4.  Think about your spouse as you go about your daily life.  Make it a habit to just think about your spouse and what he or she might like as you go about your day.  If there are small things that you think of, find a way to make it happen.

We often give or do for others what we want for ourselves.  It is better for the relationship when we think about what the other person might want and give them that.

Let your spouse know that you are thinking about him or her today in some small way.

Counseling Relationships Online

Couples Counseling of Louisville

January 29, 2010 Posted by | Be A Better Spouse, marriage, showing love | Leave a comment

Eight Ways To Be A Better Half

We want to offer you eight suggestions to be a better spouse.  Marriages improve and stay healthier when even one person makes efforts.  You can try all of these ideas at once or just one at a time.  (It does take 6 weeks for something to become a habit, you know.)

We will share a different idea every day, along with a suggestion or two for how you might use them in your relationship.

Here is the tip for today.

1.   Appreciate the good things about your spouse and let him or her know about it frequently.

The more that you talk about what you like, the more you get what you like.  People are more likely to do more of what they are told is good than to change what they are told is wrong.

Besides, when you focus on what you like in your spouse, you are more likely to have positive feelings about them.

Try today to find 3 things to tell your partner, either with words or with your actions, that you like.

Counseling Relationships Online

Couples Counseling of Louisville

January 25, 2010 Posted by | keeping love alive, marriage, Relationship Dilemmas, showing love | Leave a comment

Tip of the Week, May 31, 2009

couples pictureRemember when … Look at a picture, watch a video, remember a happier time together.  Revisit all of the good memories and talk about what happened then … what each of you did to help make that a special time.  Dissect what you did and what you most appreciated about your partner and what he or she did that made that a special time.  As you notice softer, kinder and better feelings slowly come. Talk about how to keep them alive in the present.

May 31, 2009 Posted by | couples, keeping love alive, Love, showing love | Leave a comment

Seven Ways to Help Your Man Feel Good

1.  Notice what he is doing that you like and find a way to let him know 2 things that you really like and appreciate about him every day.

2.  Listen attentively to what he has to say and ask follow-up questions in a way that lets him know that you are interested in whatever it is that he wants or needs to talk about.

3. Brag about him to others, in his presence.

4. Be affectionate with him.   This includes non-sexual touch as well as initiating sex.  Hold his hand, give him a kiss, share a warm hug.

5. Ask for his opinion on things and respect what he says, even if you do not agree with it or decide not to use it.  Men want to feel needed, not in an artificial way, but in a real way so look for things where you really could use his help and ask for it.

6. Make sure to begin the day and end the day with a special sign of affection for him.  Take leadership in making it happen.

7. Do special things for him: fix his favorite meal and let him know that you are doing it because you care about him, buy his favorite drinks or snacks, rent a movie that you know he will like, buy him a little gift that shows that you have thought about him and what he likes.

May 5, 2009 Posted by | Dating, dating advice, keeping love alive, showing love | Leave a comment

Top Ten Ways To Make A Man Feel Bad About Himself

There are things that a woman can do to shame her man or make him feel bad about himself.  Men, even though they may not openly show it, are vulnerable and have a fear of being hurt.  They are not as emotionally “tough” as they might try to portray.  Women are often surprised to discover this and men are not very quick to bring it to a woman’s attention.

Here are 10 things that women do that can lead to a man feeling bad about himself and, ultimately about her and about the relationship.

  1. Flirt with someone else when he is around.
  2. Make fun of him, especially when someone else is around.
  3. Ignore him when he asks you a question.
  4. Talk frequently and at length about all of the wonderful things about another man, like a guy at work, the man next door or one of his friends.
  5. Turn your head when he tries to kiss you or refuse to hold his hand if he reaches out in a gentle and loving way.
  6. Never ask about his day, his work or his activities.
  7. Talk negatively about his mother or his best friend.
  8. “Forget“ about a date, cancel at the last minute or just stand him up.
  9. Poke fun, even in good humor, about some aspect of his physique.
  10. Roll your eyes, sneer, or in any other ways, put down or make fun of what he says or how he expresses himself.

Next we will share the list of 10 things to make a man feel good about himself … besides avoiding these pitfalls.

April 30, 2009 Posted by | couples, Dating, dating advice, keeping love alive, Love, showing love | 1 Comment

Connecting: Men and Women Do It In Different Ways

sunset-with-tom-and-suan1Men and women view love, experience closeness, and derive comfort from intimacy in different ways. Men and women both value love and want a close, caring relationship and yet, there is generally a difference in the way they relate to intimacy.

Here are some of the ways that men and women feel loved and connected.

What Women Want:

Conversation. Talking about the day, the relationship, feelings … about each other and the life together.

Listen. When she talks, put down the remote or computer and pay attention to her. Ask questions that show you are interested in what she is saying and how she is feeling.

Advice only when asked. Even though men have a natural tendency to want to help solve problems, women just need to have someone who listens and is interested in what she is saying.

Affection. Women really like physical and non-sexual signs of affection like holding hands, kissing gently and warm hugs.

Love. Women want to be told that you love them in a way that is meaningful. This does not have to mean flowers and gifts. Rather it can be the words with a loving gaze.

Honesty. Women want someone that they can trust, who will be open with them and not “sugar-coat” reality. Women are stronger than men think and can often handle the truth and forgive more easily if they know what has happened.

Apologies. Women want men who are not afraid to say that they are sorry or made a mistake. They respect vulnerability.

Help. Women want men who are not afraid to help them with housework and children. One research study found that men who helped with housework and chores reported happier sex lives.

What Men Want:

A playmate. Men want someone who will be involved in activities with them.

Respect. Men want to feel like their partner values and respects them and show it in the way that they talk to and about them.

Affection. To the surprise of some women, men also really like physical and non-sexual signs of affection like holding hands, kissing gently and warm hugs.

Appreciation. Men need to feel appreciated and their efforts recognized, even for simple things like taking out the trash or emptying the dishwasher.

Support. Men want someone that they can talk to and count on to be a shoulder to lean on. They do not want a lot of advice, just someone who lets them know that she is on his side. Men appreciate kindness and caretaking.

Sex. Men feel more connected during and after sex and often find that this leads the way to more conversation and affection.

Honesty. Men want women that they can trust to be open and direct with them.

Humor. Most men like someone who has a good sense of humor and a positive personality.

Appearance. Men, like women, have certain ideas about what is attractive to them. Certainly, women who take care of themselves, physically, emotionally, mentally and fiscally are important to most men.

April 12, 2009 Posted by | couples, Dating, dating advice, keeping love alive, Love, showing love | 2 Comments

Making Good On Promises: “Until Death Do Us Part”

wedding-ringsGeorge told me recently that there are times when he really feels like giving up on his marriage. The conflict and distance in his relationship depresses him, but he remembers how much he loves his wife and truly believes that they can get through this stressful time.

Sandy was not sure that she could survive her husband’s mid-life crisis. She knew that he was acting differently than at any time before and she truly believed that he would come full circle and return home to make things work in the marriage.

Jenny and Jim were overwhelmed with the stress of trying to get pregnant, the loss of his mother and Jenny’s job lay-off. Both recognized that they were shorter and more critical of each other, not nurturing each other as they once had. When talking with them; however, the conversation usually ended with one of them saying something like “I know that things will get better” or “It cannot stay this bad forever”.

This belief in a solution to problems and stressful events can save a marriage. Having the courage to hang in with the relationship and work through difficult times has been what has made the difference in many marriages.

When people are able to acknowledge the tough times and yet also talk about their commitment to the marriage and working things out, we feel pretty confident that the marriage will make it.

One study of long-term marriages reported that many couples reported very stressful periods, and yet, years later, they remember them with a sense of having coped, survived and even thrived as they describe how happy they were to have hung in there and made it through.

Many say that divorce would have been the worst decision and, while it may have been the easy way out at the time, in the long run, remaining in the marriage and working through things has been the absolute right thing to do.

What stories of commitment and its affect on your relationship do you have? Please share them with us.

March 3, 2009 Posted by | couples, keeping love alive, Love, showing love | Leave a comment

Showing Love and Feeling Loved, Are They The Same?

Jane really feels loved when Tim talks to her about his day and asks about her day. Just finding time to put down the paper, turn off the television and sit with her for a few minutes lets her know that Tim really cares.

Tim feels loved when Jane does things with him. When Jane finds a sitter and invites him to a movie or to play tennis, he really feels loved and cared for.

Zack feels love when Cindy cuddles with him on the couch while they are watching a movie or takes his hand while they are going for a walk.

Cindy really feels loved when Zack brings home a simple flower or her favorite chocolate bar. For her, it is not the cost, it is the idea that he has thought about her and found something that says “I love you. You are important to me.”

Expressing and feeling love is different for different people. Finding out from your sweetheart what feels like love to him or her is important rather than giving love in the way that you want. Jane may appreciate Tim inviting her to do things and really enjoy the opportunity, but would really feel more loved by his giving her a coupon for 20 minutes of uninterrupted conversation every night.

Listen and learn from your partner about what is important to them and what makes them feel loved. Some of the most common ways are:

Time: finding time in the day or night to spend together, even in the craziness of a busy life.

Attention: actively listening and remembering what is happening.

Conversation: talking out loud about your day, hopes, dreams and asking about your partner’s.

Gifts: even the smallest token of acknowledgement is very important to some.

Physical affection: hugs, kisses, touches along with making love.

Activities: doing things together feels like love to many. This is often what men miss most.

Affirmations: recognition and acknowledgment of what you notice that is good and what you really appreciate.

February 8, 2009 Posted by | Love, showing love, Uncategorized | Leave a comment