Relationship Dilemma Remedies

A Blog About Solving Common Relationship Dilemmas

7 Marriage Mistakes That Loving Partners Can Make

Marriage is not as easy as it looks from the other side.  Falling in love might be fairly easy; however, being half of a good marriage is not usually so easy.  It takes work, knowledge, skills, talent and a good sense of humor … not to mention a healthy dose of emotional intelligence.
Marriage Misakes
Sometimes people try to make things better in their marriage but actually make it worse.  Here are some of those well-intentioned marriage mistakes that loving spouses can make.

Marriage Mistake 1.   Being too positive
Positivity is important in any relationship.  Looking at the goodness and what is right is so much better than dwelling on the negative and what is “missing”.   Wanting to get your spouse from a negative place by encouraging “looking on the bright side” or forgetting about upsetting things is not always helpful, however.  Sometimes you have to deal with the sad, disappointed, frustrated or angry feelings.

Click here to read the rest of the article on well-intentioned Marriage Mistakes.

If you rush to change a mood, you risk the possibility that your partner will feel that his or her needs and feelings have been discounted.  You also might risk the chance to experience intimacy and learn from your partner and the relationship.  Hear your partner out before trying to change the mood or tone.  Ask a lot of questions that get him or her to talk more with you about whatever is bothering them.

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April 9, 2013 Posted by | advice, marriage | Leave a comment

6 Myths About Love, Marriage and Relationships

  • “You shouldn’t have to work at marriage.”
  • “Love means never having to say you’re sorry”.
  • “Personal happiness is more important than staying in a ‘love-less’ marriage.”
  • “Arguing always destroys a relationship.  You should never argue in a marriage.”
  • “All problems can be solved in a marriage.”
  • “Your partner should always ‘get you’.  You should be able to finish each other’s sentences.  Your partner is your soul-mate.”

Have you heard these myths about love and marriage?

Do you believe any of these myths and worry that something may be missing in your marriage?

If so, you are not alone.  Holding on to these myths about love and marriage; however, will make living in a healthy marriage harder than it needs to be and may cause you to turn away from a marriage that could be saved and improved.

Often people have ideas about love and marriage that are unrealistic and then, when their own relationship does not match up to their ideas of what should be, they turn their attention outward, away from the marriage.

In this article, we want to share with you some of the truths and realistic thinking about love and marriage.

Click here to read about the 6 myths.

Counseling Relationships Online

Couples Counseling of Louisville

October 4, 2012 Posted by | advice, marriage, myths about marriage, unrealistic expectations for marriage | Leave a comment

Discover Seven Ways to Reconnect With Your Partner

I often meet with couples who complain about growing apart as the challenges of daily living lure them into routines that leave little time for focusing on the relationship.  This, coupled with the new and added stress of technology, invites people to be more involved with things other than their marriage.

Connecting with your partner is crucial to the stability of any marriage.  It doesn’t take a lot of time to fan the flames of the relationship.  In fact, research studies by John Gottman, PhD found that a simple 5 hours a week can make a difference in the quality of a couple’s relationship.

Here are 7 suggestions for ways to reconnect with your partner.

1.  Find some way to connect with each other, even if it is only briefly, before you begin your day.  Share a kiss and a bit about the plan for your day.  If possible, have breakfast together, even if the children are rushing around with you.  Spoon a few minutes before getting out of bed in the morning and make sure that you are not always the small spoon.

Click here to read the rest of the article “Discover 7 Ways to Reconnect With Your Partner”.

June 27, 2012 Posted by | advice, couples, falling back in love, happy marriages, keeping love alive, Love, marriage | Leave a comment

Positivity in Relationships is Contagious

Heather was past the point of being upset with Bruce.  He never helped with children or housework, was constantly pressuring her for sex and ignored all of her requests for conversations about their relationship.

When people who are “past the point of being upset” enter counseling, then I know that someone is giving serious consideration about ending a marriage.  That was indeed the case with Heather.  She was there to talk over her options before leaving Bruce.

Heather agreed to try one more thing before leaving.  She agreed to focus only on the positive.  All of her nagging, negative comments, complaints and criticisms, she agreed to write down but never say.  She would look for and comment on any efforts that Bruce made in the right direction.

Click here to read the rest of this article.

 

January 17, 2012 Posted by | advice, Be A Better Spouse, happy marriages, marriage, positivity | 1 Comment

7 Secrets Women Should Know About Men

Men think that women are complicated … well, men can be even more complicated!  If men could just be more like women life could be so much easier, at least some of the problems would not be there.

If men were more like women, then when a woman turns to a man and says “honey, we need to talk,” he would not immediately say … “whoops, meeting Bill at the bar to watch the game in 10 minutes.  Maybe next month we can talk.”

Shopping would surely be a breeze as well.  You could also count on a real opinion when you ask for a comment on your new dress or drapes.

Yes, we would miss a few things.  Some things more than others.  Women do have to spend a little time “figuring out their guy”.  Here are a few secrets to share.

Click here to read the 7 secrets.

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October 29, 2010 Posted by | advice, dating advice, marriage, men, relationship advice for women, women and relationships | 1 Comment

5 Tips For Falling Back in Love

“We seem to be just roommates … and have lost the good feelings that we once had.”

“I love him but I am not in love with him.”

 

“We seem to have lost that spark and I do not have those same feelings for her any more.”

 

Those are words … and feelings … that go through the minds and hearts of almost all of those who are involved in long-term relationships.  It is rare for both partners in a couple to have those same warm and connected feelings all of the time.   And, yes, it is possible to fall back in love with your spouse.

Sometimes, hearing those words from a spouse can mean an affair …either emotionally or sexually.  An attraction to someone else brings excitement and a marital partner generally cannot measure up to the thrill of newness and the thrill of risk and secrecy.  If infidelity is the issue, the challenges are much more complex and require stepping away from the affair before feelings of being in love can even begin to return.

Often feeling and thoughts of losing love; however, are more about taking each other for granted, devoting more time to career, children, social lives or other activities that prevent prioritizing the marriage and nurturing the couple relationship.  When partners do not nurture their relationship, they tend to become distant and feel more lonely and isolated.

Click here to read the 5 tips for falling back in love.

Counseling Relationships Online

Healing from Affairs

Couples Counseling of Louisville

October 21, 2010 Posted by | advice, falling back in love, Love, marriage | 1 Comment

Women, Sex and Thinking: Discover 3 New Ways to Think Your Way to a Better Sex Life

Many healthy men think about sex several times a day.

Many healthy women think about sex several times a month.

That, in and of itself, causes sexual problems for men and women.  Men often want sex a lot more frequently than women want sex.  Neither is happy with the process and the tension that it can create in a relationship as a man pursues his wife and his wife feels pressured.  Each of them feels like a loser, even though they have different reasons.

(Disclaimer:  In some relationships, it is exactly the opposite … Women are much more interested in sex than their male partners.  Nothing is “always” or “never”.)

The reasons that many women have less interest in sex than their partners are complicated.  Much more complicated than we will explore in this brief article.  Check back with us for more on this topic at a later date and we will discuss women, men and intimacy as well as other related topics.

We want to address just one of the reasons why women are less interested in sex.  It comes from a woman’s innate ability to multi-task.  This means that she is thinking about and often doing, many things at once.

When one’s mind and body are so busy, how can a woman possibly relax and think about and enjoy a hot rendezvous with her husband!

We have all heard jokes … or experienced first hand … the many different things that go through a woman’s mind while having sex.  (Hard to call it “making love” sometimes.)

  • Laundry
  • Dinner
  • Errands
  • Work
  • Problems with children
  • And on and on.

The person who loses most when this occurs is the woman.  The emotional and physical rewards of being in-the-moment and sharing lovemaking with a partner are many.  Researchers have noted the positive hormonal changes in brain chemistry after sex as well as the effects on the ability to handle stress.

Click here to read the rest of the article.

July 13, 2010 Posted by | advice, marriage, Sexual relationships, thinking and sex, women | Leave a comment

Marriage Check-Up

Is my marriage headed in the right direction or is it in trouble?

Answer the questions on this marriage check-up to find out how things are going in your marriage. One person can certainly answer these alone. If you both answer them and then talk about the questions, it will help you get a better understanding of your partner, how each of you think and feel about the relationship.

Sometimes couples can get off-track without even recognizing it. This marriage check-up will give you some ideas for areas to “tweak” or talk over with your partner.

Marriage Check-Up

1. My spouse and I generally know what is happening in each other‘s life.
Yes          No

2. We laugh together and are usually in a good mood when we are with each other.
Yes          No

3. We find time to touch each other, with love, at several different times during each day.
Yes          No

Click here to complete this marriage check-up.

Counseling Relationships Online

Couples Counseling of Louisville

Healing from Affairs

July 5, 2010 Posted by | advice, Be A Better Spouse, couples, marriage | Leave a comment