Relationship Dilemma Remedies

A Blog About Solving Common Relationship Dilemmas

Tip of the Week

Instead of saying “I don’t have time” try saying “it’s not a priority,” and see how that feels.

sunset-with-tom-and-suanOften, that’s a perfectly adequate explanation. I have time to iron my sheets, I just don’t want to. But other things are harder.

Try it: “I’m not going to edit your résumé, sweetie, because it’s not a priority.” “I don’t go to the doctor because my health is not a priority.” If these phrases don’t sit well, that’s the point.

Changing our language reminds us that time is a choice. If we don’t like how we’re spending an hour, we can choose differently.

~~ Wall Street Journal


April 29, 2013 Posted by | Relationship Dilemmas | Leave a comment

Tip of the Week

appreciation gets more positive results than criticismappreciation gets more positive results than criticismRemember, you always get more of what you appreciate than what you criticize.appreciation gets more positive results than criticism

April 18, 2013 Posted by | Relationship Dilemmas | Leave a comment

7 Marriage Mistakes That Loving Partners Can Make

Marriage is not as easy as it looks from the other side.  Falling in love might be fairly easy; however, being half of a good marriage is not usually so easy.  It takes work, knowledge, skills, talent and a good sense of humor … not to mention a healthy dose of emotional intelligence.
Marriage Misakes
Sometimes people try to make things better in their marriage but actually make it worse.  Here are some of those well-intentioned marriage mistakes that loving spouses can make.

Marriage Mistake 1.   Being too positive
Positivity is important in any relationship.  Looking at the goodness and what is right is so much better than dwelling on the negative and what is “missing”.   Wanting to get your spouse from a negative place by encouraging “looking on the bright side” or forgetting about upsetting things is not always helpful, however.  Sometimes you have to deal with the sad, disappointed, frustrated or angry feelings.

Click here to read the rest of the article on well-intentioned Marriage Mistakes.

If you rush to change a mood, you risk the possibility that your partner will feel that his or her needs and feelings have been discounted.  You also might risk the chance to experience intimacy and learn from your partner and the relationship.  Hear your partner out before trying to change the mood or tone.  Ask a lot of questions that get him or her to talk more with you about whatever is bothering them.

Counseling Relationships

Couples Counseling of

April 9, 2013 Posted by | advice, marriage | Leave a comment

Tip of the Week

Even though you may think (and often do) know your partner very well, you may not do a good job of reading him or her.  When you operate from what you “know” he or she is thinking, you may be wrong.  In fact, you may be very, very wrong.

Rather than telling your partner that you know what they are thinking or feeling, phrase it as a question and be open to the idea that you may be all wrong.

Give your partner the benefit of the doubt.

April 3, 2013 Posted by | Relationship Dilemmas | Leave a comment

Tip of the Week

Arguments are a natural part of any relationship, but cruelty is not. Above
all, happily married partners see each other as allies, not as adversaries.

~ Frank Pittman

March 18, 2013 Posted by | Relationship Dilemmas | Leave a comment

7 Habits of Successful Families

What a change 20 years has made in our lives!

Does it seem to you that life is more complicated than when you were growing up? Do you think that in many ways your parents had it easier? Certainly seems that way to me.

Not only has technology increased opportunities, both good and bad, but there are also a lot more complicated relationships in families as well as increased temptations for drugs, alcohol, and early sex. Bullying is another problem that is seen with increasing frequency in our schools and neighborhoods.

The changes in families and family structure are significant. What we used to think of as a “normal” or typical family (2 birth parents and 1 – 3 children) is no longer the “norm”. Today we have step-families (parents and grandparents), same sex couple families, adoptive families, bi-racial and multi-ethnic families, single parents, grandparents rearing grandchildren, and many others.

A beautiful act of kindnessParenting does not come with instructions, either, and it is often hard to figure out how to rear emotionally healthy and intelligent people, and yet this is an important skill required of parents even more today than in the future. Children have to learn how to think clearly and make healthy decisions for themselves. Successful families require a common sense and open approach to life and parenting.

A new book, “The Secrets of Happy Families”, by Bruce Feiler was recently reviewed on NPR and that story, along with my experience with many families over my years as a therapist, leads me to suggest 7 habits of successful families.

Click here to read the rest of the article.

Counseling Relationships Online. com

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March 14, 2013 Posted by | children, family communication, Parenting advice, parents | Leave a comment

Tip of the Week

TherSigmund Freude is a therapist in all of us.  Calm yourself and listen to your inner wisdom.

February 26, 2013 Posted by | Relationship Dilemmas | Leave a comment

“Have you decided what to get for your valentine this year? You could try something classic, like chocolates. Or something blingy, like earrings. Or sexy, like lingerie.
broken heart
“But if you really want to improve your relationship, you should give your loved one an i.o.u.

“Find a nice piece of stationery, and in your most graceful lettering, assert: ‘I promise to write about our next three fights as though I were a neutral observer.’ Then, doodle a heart on the page, stick it in a pretty envelope and give it to that special someone over dinner.

New research suggests that this may be the most valuable present you’ll ever give. After all, conflict is inevitable in long-term relationships, and the way people navigate it can affect not only their happiness, but their mental and physical health as well.”

Diane Sollee, SmartMarriages

February 11, 2013 Posted by | Relationship Dilemmas | Leave a comment

Affair Recovery: How Long Do We Have To Talk About This Affair!?!

Throughout our many years of counseling couples who are in the beginning stages of recovering from an affair, we have heard the question “How long do we have to talk about this?” many times.

Affairs are so hard on couples to work through, but not impossible.  One research study reported that 70% of couples who experience an affair are able to work through the effects successfully.

There is a common theme among those who were unfaithful … “let’s move on” and for their partners it is “we have a lot to talk about.”  So … the question for the therapist is often “how long DO we have to talk about the affair”?

The answer, of course, is different for each situation and couple but generally there are some guidelines:

For effective affair recovery:  Talk about it whenever the hurt partner needs to … for the first few days.  

After that, find ways to limit the conversation to much smaller amounts of time in order to allow the relationship to heal and recover.

Click here to read the rest of the article about conversations leading to affair recovery.

Counseling Relationships Online

Healing from

February 7, 2013 Posted by | affairs, cheating spouse, infidelity, recovering from affairs | Leave a comment

Tip of the Week

Give your spouse or partner the same benefit of the doubt that you do for a child.  remember_when_image042Recognize that if he is cranky or she is a bit sharp, it may be because she or he has had a hard day, did not sleep, is hungry or bothered by something that has nothing to do with you.

Counseling Relationships

Couples Counseling of

January 29, 2013 Posted by | Relationship Dilemmas | Leave a comment