Relationship Dilemma Remedies

A Blog About Solving Common Relationship Dilemmas

Strategy Number 3: Beat the Holiday Blues by Doing for Others

Do something for others.  Putting your life’s situation in perspective can be helped by recognizing what others are experiencing.  While their situation may not even be as difficult as your own, focusing on someone else and taking the focus off of yourself can be an important mental health antidote for the holiday blues.  Besides, it feels good to help someone else and lift their own burden.

Bake cookies for neighbors.    Adopt a family from an angel tree.  Make some crafts and visit a nursing home.  Invite a niece or nephew to a holiday program.  Consider inviting those without family connections to your home for a holiday meal.

December 9, 2010 Posted by | depression, Holiday blues, holidays, loneliness, lonely | Leave a comment

Strategy Number 2: Beat the Holiday Blues by Setting Realistic Expectations

Have realistic expectations for yourself and your family.

Remember holidays of the past and do not expect this year to be much different.

Remember, you can work yourself into a pretzel trying to make them special, but you have no control over others in your family and they may never appreciate what you do for them.

You may fantasize about your hopes and dreams for the holidays, however, it may only BE hopes and dreams.

Be realistic about yourself and your family as you move into the holidays.  Look for small positive things and focus on them rather than what is missing.

Find ways to create meaning in these holidays for yourself but know that it may not mean the same for others.

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December 7, 2010 Posted by | family holidays, Holiday blues, loneliness, lonely | Leave a comment

Strategy Number 1: Beat the Holiday Blues by Shaking Hands with Them

Shake hands with your loneliness or sadness. Recognize that this is just something that affects you.  It is NOT you; however, just something that you are experiencing and may have experienced before.

This may be a familiar feeling or may be new due to a change in your life or circumstances.  Acknowledge its presence.  Take some time to think about it and then look for ways to focus on other things.

Talk out loud about it.  Write about it.  Cry about it, if that helps.  Do a little work to understand the meaning of it in your life and then find ways to let it go, at least for awhile.

You may need to allow yourself time to think or grieve throughout the holidays but look for ways to let it go the rest of the time.

Counseling Relationships Online

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Healing from Affairs

December 2, 2010 Posted by | family holidays, Holiday blues, lonely, Relationship Dilemmas | Leave a comment

Lonely, Single and Facing the Holidays Alone

Are you facing the holidays alone?  Many say that they are okay 3076201649_e190bd64d5_m1with their “singleness” most of the year but the holidays are really tough.  You want someone to go with you to parties, shopping, to share presents, religious and family celebrations.  Doing these things alone, especially in the company of others who seem happily mated can be really difficult and remind you even more that you are not “coupled”.

It is extremely hard if this is a “first” for you.  The first one after the end of a relationship, especially after a death or a divorce, is so very hard.  Thoughts and feelings from memories of past holidays together feel overwhelming at times and it may seem hard to get through each day, sometimes each hour.  It gets easier as time passes although some say it never really gets easy.

Here are some suggestions for helping you to ease this time.

Be kind to yourself. Buy yourself a Christmas present and special holiday food.  Think of ways to celebrate the goodness of you.

Go easy and have realistic expectations
.  Don’t expect “glorious” holidays, rather look for ones of peace.

Acknowledge your feelings of sadness and loneliness.
Recognize that it is natural to want to share this time of year with someone special.  Journal about it or talk it over with a friend and then find a way to let it go.  Focus on something or someone else.  Do not let yourself travel too far down the path of unhappiness, rather head it off at the pass.  Rarely is there anything good that comes from thinking too much or letting these thoughts overwhelm you.

Do something for another person.
This can be anything from volunteering to help out in a shelter to baking cookies for neighbors.  Reaching out to others, often ones in a more difficult situation than your own, can help put your own loneliness in perspective.

Write a list of the good things about you and happening in your life right now. What do you do well?  Who are your friends?  What are your strengths?  What would others say that they most like about you?  Make copies of this list and keep it near by so that you can reach for it whenever you need to bring yourself back to a happier place.

Make plans.
If you do not have a lot of people to keep you busy … or money to cover costs, find ways to attend events at the library, show up at a church, walk in the neighborhood where you might see other people.  Get out of your home and be active.  We have a friend who has organized an “Orphans’ Christmas”.  She invites others that she knows are alone for the holidays.  They all bring a small gift to open and exchange and share a meal.  This tradition is now 12 years old and she has requests from others who hear about it and want to join the group.

Remind yourself that this time does not last forever.
January 1 will come and life will return to a more normal place.  You have gotten through tougher times in your life.  You can and will get through this as well.

December 11, 2008 Posted by | holidays, lonely, single | Leave a comment